just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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