I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you win again, gameday.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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