i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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