Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
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I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
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I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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