Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
