I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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