i just had sex bonerless
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
