I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
