im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
