Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i now understand why vodka
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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