I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
