i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
