Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
one might say we're banned from that church
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
