no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
