I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
