I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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