Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
