Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
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She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
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She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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