the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
