You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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