Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
