i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
