Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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