Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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