We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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