Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
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i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
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There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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