My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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