God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
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i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
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I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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