I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
