In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
