The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
