I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
