I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
