tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
