i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.