I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
