Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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