he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
