I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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