Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
