Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
