dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
