im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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