It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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