why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
