I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
