I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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