the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
