how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
