when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
