I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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