I want to walk on stilts...naked
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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