Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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