How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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