I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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