I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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