party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We're too hungover to prance.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
