and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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