I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
