I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
