I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
