My underwear smells like fireworks.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
