I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Someone signed my nipple.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
